Lee’s Insights

This is written by my good friend Cheryl Lyon,  Cheryl is a certified professional life coach, meditation leader, and author of the “At Home Retreat Kit.”  Visit Cheryl at http://www.wingedlifecoaching.com and http://athomeretreatkit.com.

This time of year, I’m always a bit jealous of the school kids.

Not only have they had the luxury of a summer off, they now have
the opportunity for a “fresh start” - an opportunity to leave the
mistakes of last year behind and excel in a new way. New teachers,
new subjects, a new chance to reinvent themselves - to be someone
different than they were last year.

Maybe to be a better athlete or a better student, maybe just to get
along with people better.  New pencils and fresh pads of paper and
new school clothes symbolize and emphasize the sense of a new
beginning, a fresh start.

I’ve been in the same job for 20 years now, and while my job
responsiblities have grown with my knowledge and experience, and
while I (mostly) enjoy my work, I do miss that opportunity for a
fresh start.  So I’ve been thinking of ways that I CAN give myself
a fresh start.

Here are my “top 10″ ideas - I’d love to hear yours.

#10 - Clean out my “backpack.” Clear off my desk and start over -
throw out anything I no longer need and file the rest.  This
may take a few hours, but if I work at it 15 minutes a day or so,
I’ll have it done in a week or two.

#9 - Learn something new - something not directly related to what I
NEED to know. Learn just for the fun of it.

#8 - Take an art class - maybe start playing the piano again, or
start a new quilting project - or both. Maybe take an actual class,
maybe just set aside some time to work on my own.

#7 - Don’t skip gym - incorporate more physical activity into my
day to keep my body fit and support my mind and spirit.

#6 - Take breaks.  Kids get breaks between classes to clear their
heads before they move on to the next thing.  I am both more
efficient and more effective if I do the same.  Just a few moments
can make a big difference.

#5 - Plan on a semester basis.  Look at my schedule and obligations
for the rest of the year and see what I need to start working on
now so I don’t need to cram at the end of the term.

#4 - Take recess every day.  Get outside if possible, even if it’s
only for a 5 minute walk around the block.

#3 - Have a healthy “school lunch.”  Whether I “bring” or “buy,”
make an effort to include a balance of protein, carbs, and fruits
and vegetables.  And a glass of skim milk wouldn’t hurt either!

#2 - Relax and regroup “after school.” Take 10 minutes to relax
before racing off into my evening obligations.

And (drum roll, please), the #1 way I can live like a school kid -
PLAY.  Keep my sense of humor and enjoy the fun (and funny) little
moments that come my way. Take life seriously, but live it lightly.
Remember that God will take care of things - if I let Him.

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Wow! It’s already the 11th of January -time flies… the older I get the more meaningful that phrase becomes. Being the goal setter and planner that I am, I usually come bounding into the new year with Ultimate Scenarios and lists in hand -bring it on! This year is different… in fact, the reason I haven’t posted until today is because for the first time in many years I really wasn’t sure what the goals were going to be. I couldn’t wrap my brain around what it was I wanted to have accomplished by the end of this year, so I decided to just let it go and see what happened.

The phrase that kept (and keeps) popping into my head is “slow and easy”. I realize that I need to take 2008 on in a deliberate way but also in a slow and easy way - more time thinking and planning,  more time relaxing with family and friends, more time just being in the moment. Don’t get me wrong -I’ve got a lot to do, but I’m just not going to go at it full steam ahead like I usually do. So here’s some of what’s on my list:

• Finish my book
• Get this blog really going -I have so many ideas for it!
• Get a consistent meditation practice going -learn to just sit still!!!!
• Refinish the trunk (yep, on the list again this year!)
• Mastermind with others
• Go on a cruise with my son (my husband hates cruises)
• Go on a romantic vacation with my husband -just us!
• Take my coaching practice to the next level (that’s always on the list)

Let me wrap this up by saying that I know, and I mean I really, really know, that this is going to be a great year for me and a lot of other people. In fact, I believe that whoever lays down the groundwork for their own personal success this year, whatever that is, will reap the rewards one hundred fold -this is a year of prosperity. Watch and see!

If you need help wrapping your brain around your Ultimate Scenario for 2008 -you can’t quite figure out what you can commit to, contact me at coaching@leevangiezen.com - I’ll be happy to coach you through it!

To your health, wellness and personal success!

Happy New Year!

Lee

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I’m happy to share this video I stumbled upon on You Tube, directed by coreylarson -only 17 years old from what I gathered. Great job!

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Studies have shown that even 15 minutes a day of quiet meditation can have amazing benefits -decrease in anxiety and depression, increase in energy, increase in mental acuity, and the list goes on.

I recently decided to make having a consistent meditation practice top on my list of personal priorities and I can’t believe the resources that have suddenly presented themselves. Among my favorites is the book “Wherever You Go, There You Are - Mindfulness Meditation in Every Day Life” by Jon Kabat-Zinn. In his book, Kabat-Zinn explains the principles of Mindfulness in meditation in easy to understand language. In addition to explaining the basics, where to meditate, how to get ready, how to sit, etc., he gives some examples of wonderful simple self-guided meditations. One of my favorites is Mountain Meditation -this is a perfect meditation for people who feel pulled in many different directions, people who are impacted by other people’s moods and demands and anyone who is generally feeling stressed and out of control.

Picture a majestic mountain, any mountain that you can clearly visualize -the more detailed the visualization the better. The mountain is standing tall and strong, it has been there for thousands of years. All around the mountain the weather changes from beautiful sunny skies to hurricane force winds to snow and ice, but the mountain always stands firm -the activity just whirls around the mountain but does not affect it day to day. Now, sit quietly and focus on your breath going in and out -relax and breath… as the thoughts come in and out of your mind, picture yourself as the mountain -sit up tall and strong like a mountain, firmly grounded to the earth -let the thoughts and the stress and anxiety whirl around you without affecting you, the thoughts of people and situations that are pressuring you are just thoughts and you are a mountain, sitting strong. You are who you are, who you have always been, regardless of the “weather” happening around you. Sit with that feeling of power and majesty, breath in and out slowly and relax for as long as you feel comfortable doing so.

This meditation practiced for only a few minutes a day will do wonders for your self confidence and strength. You will begin to understand that the issues that come up are just part of life, they are normal, but you don’t have to let them affect you. You can remain calm, strong and tall -who you are can remain constant.

My coaching challenge: Get Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book. Read it and pick a meditation you think will work for you and practice it for just 5 minutes a day. I promise you will see results!

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There are those times and I know I’m not the only one, when we hit a dip in the confidence area -where suddenly (or does it slowly creep up on us?) we feel less smart, less prepared, less witty, less valuable to the world, and it’s in those times where our ability to achieve can come to a grinding halt.

What to do? Get a confidence boost! Just like happiness begets happiness and misery begets misery, confidence begets confidence. The key to getting it back is to start small -or start big, if you want, but just start somewhere! Research shows that any personal achievement, any little change for the better will begin to make us feel more confident -of course, the bigger the accomplishment, the bigger the stretch out of our comfort zone, the more confident we feel.

Here is a list of confidence boosters:

Start an exercise routine

Get a makeover

Try a new hairstyle

Go skydiving

Join toastmasters

Try a new hobby

Spend time with good friends

Write a list of all of your good qualities –no judgement from you!

Wear only clothes that make you feel great

Get a plan together to pay off debt

Take a class

Set a small goal and achieve it -do that every week

Make something

Get a spray on tan

Get a manicure

Take an online course in something you are interested in

Take a long walk

Start a blog (check out www.wordpress.com)

Make a dream book -a scrapbook of everything you are and want –cut pictures out of magazines

Sign up for a race or other challenging athletic event and train for it in a group

Refinish a piece of furniture

Cook a fabulous meal for a friend and serve it on your good china

Take a wine tasting course

Write a book

Help someone in need

Donate to a charity or participate in a charitable event

Say a prayer for someone else

Say a prayer for yourself

Read a book about something interesting and share what you’ve learned on the internet

Write a letter to the editor of your local paper about something you care about

Learn to meditate

Take a yoga class or get a DVD and try it at home

Start to eliminate negativity from your life -thoughts and people!

My coaching challenge:

Pick three things you will do (or come up with 3 on your own) –write them here along with the dates you will do them, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel!

1. ________________________________________ date: _________

2. ________________________________________ date: _________

3. ________________________________________ date: _________

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I was in a class yesterday and the leader asked us to write a list of everything that is perfect in our lives. After a little thought, and because I knew what she was looking for, I wrote:

“Everything in my life is perfect.”

Yeah right! There are lots of things that aren’t perfect. I wish I had more free time to read, cook, spend time with my family. I wish my house was always clean and “zen-looking”. I wish I had a garage and a lot more storage space. I wish my 13 year-old son would just do it because “I said so!”, and there are probably a lot of other things about my life and myself that quite frankly are just about as far from perfect as they could be, but I get what she was getting at.

My life is perfect -it is just as it should be. That is not to say that all is “good” - perfect is not perfectly-good, it is just perfectly-as-it-is. Perfect-as-it-is means that it’s OK, everything that’s going on right now is OK and it’s not going to destroy me. It doesn’t mean anything about me or my family or my life - it just is - and if there is anything I want to change, then fine, I can go about figuring out how to do that - coming from a position of trust, trust that the Universe is good and in order, and not from a position of doubt and fear -or anger.

I choose to look at all of the things I decide to change or work on as the “antagonists” and they have value in my life -everything negative in my life adds value.  Who and what are the antagonists? My negative thoughts, my bad habits, that coworker who is just driving me crazy, the red light that just won’t change, the thousand things around my house that I am just tolerating (light bulbs in need of changing, disorganized pantry, etc.) -all are antagonists, and if everything really is perfect, and all really is as it should be, then they must be here to teach me something - and how I choose to handle them will either make me a better person and a better coach (or mom or wife…) or will sink me into frustration and fatigue. It’s literally my choice.

My coaching challenge: What is the thing or person in your life that is bothering you the most right now? Make the conscious choice to believe that that thing or person is in your life to teach you something and to make you a better person. What are the ways that this situation can help you grow, what are some ways you can handle this differently than you have been -how can your experience with this help others? If you feel inclined to share -please post a reply, we can all learn from your experience!

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It seems like I hear more and more often from my coaching clients that they do not have enough hours in a day to accomplish what needs to done.

Here is what they say:

They are being pulled into meetings at the last minute and have to cancel agenda items to accommodate. They are stretched by the needs of family and friends. The wonderful new technologies make them so accessible to the needs of others they barely have time to breath. The phone rings during lunch, so they can’t remember with whom they had lunch, never mind what they ate. E-mail systems beep to tell them of a new message breaking their concentration required to complete that important report. Their open door policy allows free access to them by their colleagues and subordinates, but little space in which to accomplish the real work at hand. The result is a frazzled, short tempered, scattered, unhappy, minimally productive, minimally appreciated, person that works long hours and is rewarded with little sleep, no real nourishment of body and spirit and a “to do” list a mile long.

Does any of this sound like you? If it does, read on, because I have news for you. It doesn’t have to!

Too often we stay on the “gerbil wheel” of life feeling incapable of making the choice to take the first step off only to be eventually thrown off by an illness or major crisis.

Remember this? “If the oxygen masks should fall, indicating a change in cabin pressure, put on your own mask first, BEFORE helping your children or others in need.” Translate: If your life should get so full that you are losing control of even the most simple of tasks - take care of yourself first so that you will have the ability and energy required to support the ones you love and accomplish the tasks that are required of you.

So what can you do to soften that first step off the “gerbil wheel” of life?

First: Realize you are in control. Yes you are!! You can and do have control, but you have to choose to exercise it. Remember, not choosing is also a choice.

Second: Assess the situation. Begin to look at all the areas of your life that are out of control or on the verge of being out of control and make a list. Need help? Get a friend or coach to sit down and do it with you. Often I find that this is all that needs to be done to get a person back on track.

Third: Organize, eliminate or delegate. Look at each thing, can it be organized better so it won’t creep up on you at the last minute? Can you eliminate it altogether -how important is it? Can someone else do it or part of it?

Here are some suggestions:
1. Close your door for two hours each day and don’t answer the phone - give 100% to that important project.

2. Forward your calls or put a message on your voicemail that you will be unreachable for an hour and a half and have a relaxed lunch with a business associate or friend. Enjoy yourself, it’s OK, no one will die!

3. Disable e-mail alerts on your computer and schedule 2 to 3 periods of time per day to read and respond to your e-mail. Create an auto-response letting people know that you have received their e-mail and when they can expect a response.

4. Set a boundary at home with your family or at work with staff and colleagues that at certain times you are off limits. They are not to disturb you for any reason, unless it is an emergency. Clearly define what you consider an emergency! Kids (and some coworkers) love responsibility - recruit them to remind you that it is off-limits time and to run interference should anyone try to interrupt.

5. Double dip. Only say yes to volunteer opportunities that you can do with your spouse or children -this will accomplish both “doing your part” and spending good quality time with your family.

6. Another double dip - instead of having lunch with a friend, meet her for a walk or a work out at the gym. It will feel great to cross two things off your list!

7. Always plan your day ahead of time. Set the intention for what you plan to accomplish that day and write down your goals.

These are just a few of many ideas that will help you focus on what is real and necessary and will begin the process of taking back your time. Remember to tell people what you are doing, the changes you are implementing may ruffle some feathers at first, but if you explain why, you will most likely enlist the support of those around you.

As you begin to take the time for clarity and focus, you will notice your energy levels begin to rise and your productivity increase. You will notice that you make decisions to create even more time - be sure to allocate some of that time for your well being. Take time for fun and relaxation.

I say there are 6 major areas in life, they are career, relationships, health and fitness, spirituality, leisure and finances -the key to control and happiness is to devote time to creating balance among them all.

Coaching Challenge: Find one area in your life to which you are willing to apply these principals and go for it!

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This is a must see… just saw it and had to share!

Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving talk, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

Watch it here:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=362421849901825950&pr=goog-sl

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I love this concept… if you want more out of life, you’ve got to make room for it. If the space for whatever it is you want is occupied by something else that isn’t working, there’s no place for the new thing to go -the flip side is that if you want to attract something to you and you create the space for it, it will come. Once you get this and can let go of the “space takers” it is amazing how quickly you will attract all of the things you desire.

Do you:

Want a wonderful partner and great friends to share your life with? Then get rid of all of the relationships in your life that are dragging you down -consciously decide to eliminate negative, abusive or dependent people from your life.

Want more peace and serenity? Then eliminate stress, worry and doubt from your thoughts -replace them instead with good goals, plans of action and positive affirmation.

Want a wardrobe full of clothes you feel fabulous in? Then clean out and organize your closet - either donate the clothes that you don’t like or don’t fit or get them altered.

Want more free time? Then learn to say no to activities you don’t really enjoy or aren’t consistent with your primary goals. Get rid of the tolerances that suck up your time -make sure things are put away when you are done with them so you don’t waste time looking for them the next time you need them. Keep things properly maintained -it takes more time to repair than to maintain. Take the time to organize your schedule ahead of time.

Want more energy? Then get rid of the activities, people or events that drain your energy -you know what and who they are… it’s OK to stick up for yourself, the people who are really important to you will appreciate you for it.

Want more money? Then organize your finances -get Quicken and get on a budget. Know your financial situation. Cut unnecessary expenses from your budget. Buy only what you need. Donate to a charity. Get rid of high interest credit cards.

These are just a few ideas to help you understand the concept and I do understand that a lot of this is easier written than done. Start with the little tolerances, the ones that are easiest to eliminate. Get a coach or a friend to support you and hold you accountable. This is so worth it! I have learned in my own life that when I clear out and organize my thoughts, my living environment, my relationships and life AND have a list of good goals and intentions, the space that is left behind is filled with good things and life is joyful.

To get you started on having more of what you do want -download the PDF below and pick one thing to eliminate today! Addition by Subtraction -the new math!

200 Tolerations

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This topic has come up quite a bit in coaching sessions lately -and oddly enough, on several radio talk shows I listen to regularly. The question is: Are you happy? I mean, are you really happy? And, what does it take to be happy?

Here’s my happiness theory -and it’s really quite simple. You are happy when your life is aligned with your values. The problem is that most people have no idea what their values are and have never taken the time to find out. If they do know, they are so busy in the career they landed in or in the personal life that is controlling them, that they don’t have the time or ability to get into alignment.

Here are some easy steps to get you on your way:

1. Figure out what your values are: Try the Values Game (I have a link to it on the left side of this page) another way is to make a list of 3 people you really admire and write down the reasons you admire them -chances are they are living consistent with your values. The important thing to remember about values is that they are YOUR values -not values that your parents tried to instill in you or that your spouse has -they are yours and they are perfectly fine for you. I believe the reason for a lot of unhappiness is that we sometimes live according to someone else’s values not our own. A great example is that of a young woman I once knew who married an older man with 3 kids and a strict religious lifestyle -overnight she became immersed in being a mother and going to church services and other religious functions -in just a few short years she was suffering from major depression because she was living a life that was so far out of alignment with her true values which were career, independence and freedom of spiritual expression. Sometimes figuring out what your values really are takes some serious soul searching and the commitment to authenticity, but it is so worth it -the rewards are huge!

2. Life Assessment: Once you figure out what your values are -take a look at all of the areas of your life. Does your career reflect your values? Are your relationships consistent with your values? Is your environment a reflection of your values? Are your hobbies and leisure time activities consistent with your values. Often when I am coaching someone who says they are just not happy but they can’t figure out why, and we do this assessment, it doesn’t surprise me to find that there is not one area of life that is a reflection of the client’s true values. The key to change of any kind is to take an honest assessment of the situation -bring it out under the harsh light of day -it can be difficult to do, but it is the first step -and with many people, harsh assessment alone is the catalyst for unbelievable change.

3. One Step at a Time: Now that you know your values and have assessed where your life is out of alignment, just start making small changes to get into alignment. It might not be easy to change careers now, but you can start researching that career that would make you feel like you are making a difference, you can take a class in something that interests you, you can take up a new hobby, repair an old friendship, spend more time with your kids, de-clutter the house, paint a room your favorite uplifting color…. there are a number of “doable” things you can take on right now. Once you start adding these values driven things into your life, you will start to experience happiness and you will find all of your decisions start somehow bringing your life into alignment even more.

I said earlier in the post that these were easy steps -for some they are and for some they are not. If you are stuck, I highly recommend hiring a personal coach to help you through it. A coach will help you stay focused and will be a non-judgemental sounding board and above all will be on your side and want for you the same happiness you want for yourself.

I am pleased to say that I am happier now than I ever have been in my life and that is because I know my own values and I am making constant efforts to live consistent with those values, but it is an ongoing journey… and I look forward to it!

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