Lee’s Insights

This is written by my good friend Cheryl Lyon,  Cheryl is a certified professional life coach, meditation leader, and author of the “At Home Retreat Kit.”  Visit Cheryl at http://www.wingedlifecoaching.com and http://athomeretreatkit.com.

This time of year, I’m always a bit jealous of the school kids.

Not only have they had the luxury of a summer off, they now have
the opportunity for a “fresh start” - an opportunity to leave the
mistakes of last year behind and excel in a new way. New teachers,
new subjects, a new chance to reinvent themselves - to be someone
different than they were last year.

Maybe to be a better athlete or a better student, maybe just to get
along with people better.  New pencils and fresh pads of paper and
new school clothes symbolize and emphasize the sense of a new
beginning, a fresh start.

I’ve been in the same job for 20 years now, and while my job
responsiblities have grown with my knowledge and experience, and
while I (mostly) enjoy my work, I do miss that opportunity for a
fresh start.  So I’ve been thinking of ways that I CAN give myself
a fresh start.

Here are my “top 10″ ideas - I’d love to hear yours.

#10 - Clean out my “backpack.” Clear off my desk and start over -
throw out anything I no longer need and file the rest.  This
may take a few hours, but if I work at it 15 minutes a day or so,
I’ll have it done in a week or two.

#9 - Learn something new - something not directly related to what I
NEED to know. Learn just for the fun of it.

#8 - Take an art class - maybe start playing the piano again, or
start a new quilting project - or both. Maybe take an actual class,
maybe just set aside some time to work on my own.

#7 - Don’t skip gym - incorporate more physical activity into my
day to keep my body fit and support my mind and spirit.

#6 - Take breaks.  Kids get breaks between classes to clear their
heads before they move on to the next thing.  I am both more
efficient and more effective if I do the same.  Just a few moments
can make a big difference.

#5 - Plan on a semester basis.  Look at my schedule and obligations
for the rest of the year and see what I need to start working on
now so I don’t need to cram at the end of the term.

#4 - Take recess every day.  Get outside if possible, even if it’s
only for a 5 minute walk around the block.

#3 - Have a healthy “school lunch.”  Whether I “bring” or “buy,”
make an effort to include a balance of protein, carbs, and fruits
and vegetables.  And a glass of skim milk wouldn’t hurt either!

#2 - Relax and regroup “after school.” Take 10 minutes to relax
before racing off into my evening obligations.

And (drum roll, please), the #1 way I can live like a school kid -
PLAY.  Keep my sense of humor and enjoy the fun (and funny) little
moments that come my way. Take life seriously, but live it lightly.
Remember that God will take care of things - if I let Him.

Share This

Wow! It’s already the 11th of January -time flies… the older I get the more meaningful that phrase becomes. Being the goal setter and planner that I am, I usually come bounding into the new year with Ultimate Scenarios and lists in hand -bring it on! This year is different… in fact, the reason I haven’t posted until today is because for the first time in many years I really wasn’t sure what the goals were going to be. I couldn’t wrap my brain around what it was I wanted to have accomplished by the end of this year, so I decided to just let it go and see what happened.

The phrase that kept (and keeps) popping into my head is “slow and easy”. I realize that I need to take 2008 on in a deliberate way but also in a slow and easy way - more time thinking and planning,  more time relaxing with family and friends, more time just being in the moment. Don’t get me wrong -I’ve got a lot to do, but I’m just not going to go at it full steam ahead like I usually do. So here’s some of what’s on my list:

• Finish my book
• Get this blog really going -I have so many ideas for it!
• Get a consistent meditation practice going -learn to just sit still!!!!
• Refinish the trunk (yep, on the list again this year!)
• Mastermind with others
• Go on a cruise with my son (my husband hates cruises)
• Go on a romantic vacation with my husband -just us!
• Take my coaching practice to the next level (that’s always on the list)

Let me wrap this up by saying that I know, and I mean I really, really know, that this is going to be a great year for me and a lot of other people. In fact, I believe that whoever lays down the groundwork for their own personal success this year, whatever that is, will reap the rewards one hundred fold -this is a year of prosperity. Watch and see!

If you need help wrapping your brain around your Ultimate Scenario for 2008 -you can’t quite figure out what you can commit to, contact me at coaching@leevangiezen.com - I’ll be happy to coach you through it!

To your health, wellness and personal success!

Happy New Year!

Lee

Share This

There are those times and I know I’m not the only one, when we hit a dip in the confidence area -where suddenly (or does it slowly creep up on us?) we feel less smart, less prepared, less witty, less valuable to the world, and it’s in those times where our ability to achieve can come to a grinding halt.

What to do? Get a confidence boost! Just like happiness begets happiness and misery begets misery, confidence begets confidence. The key to getting it back is to start small -or start big, if you want, but just start somewhere! Research shows that any personal achievement, any little change for the better will begin to make us feel more confident -of course, the bigger the accomplishment, the bigger the stretch out of our comfort zone, the more confident we feel.

Here is a list of confidence boosters:

Start an exercise routine

Get a makeover

Try a new hairstyle

Go skydiving

Join toastmasters

Try a new hobby

Spend time with good friends

Write a list of all of your good qualities –no judgement from you!

Wear only clothes that make you feel great

Get a plan together to pay off debt

Take a class

Set a small goal and achieve it -do that every week

Make something

Get a spray on tan

Get a manicure

Take an online course in something you are interested in

Take a long walk

Start a blog (check out www.wordpress.com)

Make a dream book -a scrapbook of everything you are and want –cut pictures out of magazines

Sign up for a race or other challenging athletic event and train for it in a group

Refinish a piece of furniture

Cook a fabulous meal for a friend and serve it on your good china

Take a wine tasting course

Write a book

Help someone in need

Donate to a charity or participate in a charitable event

Say a prayer for someone else

Say a prayer for yourself

Read a book about something interesting and share what you’ve learned on the internet

Write a letter to the editor of your local paper about something you care about

Learn to meditate

Take a yoga class or get a DVD and try it at home

Start to eliminate negativity from your life -thoughts and people!

My coaching challenge:

Pick three things you will do (or come up with 3 on your own) –write them here along with the dates you will do them, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel!

1. ________________________________________ date: _________

2. ________________________________________ date: _________

3. ________________________________________ date: _________

Share This

I was in a class yesterday and the leader asked us to write a list of everything that is perfect in our lives. After a little thought, and because I knew what she was looking for, I wrote:

“Everything in my life is perfect.”

Yeah right! There are lots of things that aren’t perfect. I wish I had more free time to read, cook, spend time with my family. I wish my house was always clean and “zen-looking”. I wish I had a garage and a lot more storage space. I wish my 13 year-old son would just do it because “I said so!”, and there are probably a lot of other things about my life and myself that quite frankly are just about as far from perfect as they could be, but I get what she was getting at.

My life is perfect -it is just as it should be. That is not to say that all is “good” - perfect is not perfectly-good, it is just perfectly-as-it-is. Perfect-as-it-is means that it’s OK, everything that’s going on right now is OK and it’s not going to destroy me. It doesn’t mean anything about me or my family or my life - it just is - and if there is anything I want to change, then fine, I can go about figuring out how to do that - coming from a position of trust, trust that the Universe is good and in order, and not from a position of doubt and fear -or anger.

I choose to look at all of the things I decide to change or work on as the “antagonists” and they have value in my life -everything negative in my life adds value.  Who and what are the antagonists? My negative thoughts, my bad habits, that coworker who is just driving me crazy, the red light that just won’t change, the thousand things around my house that I am just tolerating (light bulbs in need of changing, disorganized pantry, etc.) -all are antagonists, and if everything really is perfect, and all really is as it should be, then they must be here to teach me something - and how I choose to handle them will either make me a better person and a better coach (or mom or wife…) or will sink me into frustration and fatigue. It’s literally my choice.

My coaching challenge: What is the thing or person in your life that is bothering you the most right now? Make the conscious choice to believe that that thing or person is in your life to teach you something and to make you a better person. What are the ways that this situation can help you grow, what are some ways you can handle this differently than you have been -how can your experience with this help others? If you feel inclined to share -please post a reply, we can all learn from your experience!

Share This

It seems like I hear more and more often from my coaching clients that they do not have enough hours in a day to accomplish what needs to done.

Here is what they say:

They are being pulled into meetings at the last minute and have to cancel agenda items to accommodate. They are stretched by the needs of family and friends. The wonderful new technologies make them so accessible to the needs of others they barely have time to breath. The phone rings during lunch, so they can’t remember with whom they had lunch, never mind what they ate. E-mail systems beep to tell them of a new message breaking their concentration required to complete that important report. Their open door policy allows free access to them by their colleagues and subordinates, but little space in which to accomplish the real work at hand. The result is a frazzled, short tempered, scattered, unhappy, minimally productive, minimally appreciated, person that works long hours and is rewarded with little sleep, no real nourishment of body and spirit and a “to do” list a mile long.

Does any of this sound like you? If it does, read on, because I have news for you. It doesn’t have to!

Too often we stay on the “gerbil wheel” of life feeling incapable of making the choice to take the first step off only to be eventually thrown off by an illness or major crisis.

Remember this? “If the oxygen masks should fall, indicating a change in cabin pressure, put on your own mask first, BEFORE helping your children or others in need.” Translate: If your life should get so full that you are losing control of even the most simple of tasks - take care of yourself first so that you will have the ability and energy required to support the ones you love and accomplish the tasks that are required of you.

So what can you do to soften that first step off the “gerbil wheel” of life?

First: Realize you are in control. Yes you are!! You can and do have control, but you have to choose to exercise it. Remember, not choosing is also a choice.

Second: Assess the situation. Begin to look at all the areas of your life that are out of control or on the verge of being out of control and make a list. Need help? Get a friend or coach to sit down and do it with you. Often I find that this is all that needs to be done to get a person back on track.

Third: Organize, eliminate or delegate. Look at each thing, can it be organized better so it won’t creep up on you at the last minute? Can you eliminate it altogether -how important is it? Can someone else do it or part of it?

Here are some suggestions:
1. Close your door for two hours each day and don’t answer the phone - give 100% to that important project.

2. Forward your calls or put a message on your voicemail that you will be unreachable for an hour and a half and have a relaxed lunch with a business associate or friend. Enjoy yourself, it’s OK, no one will die!

3. Disable e-mail alerts on your computer and schedule 2 to 3 periods of time per day to read and respond to your e-mail. Create an auto-response letting people know that you have received their e-mail and when they can expect a response.

4. Set a boundary at home with your family or at work with staff and colleagues that at certain times you are off limits. They are not to disturb you for any reason, unless it is an emergency. Clearly define what you consider an emergency! Kids (and some coworkers) love responsibility - recruit them to remind you that it is off-limits time and to run interference should anyone try to interrupt.

5. Double dip. Only say yes to volunteer opportunities that you can do with your spouse or children -this will accomplish both “doing your part” and spending good quality time with your family.

6. Another double dip - instead of having lunch with a friend, meet her for a walk or a work out at the gym. It will feel great to cross two things off your list!

7. Always plan your day ahead of time. Set the intention for what you plan to accomplish that day and write down your goals.

These are just a few of many ideas that will help you focus on what is real and necessary and will begin the process of taking back your time. Remember to tell people what you are doing, the changes you are implementing may ruffle some feathers at first, but if you explain why, you will most likely enlist the support of those around you.

As you begin to take the time for clarity and focus, you will notice your energy levels begin to rise and your productivity increase. You will notice that you make decisions to create even more time - be sure to allocate some of that time for your well being. Take time for fun and relaxation.

I say there are 6 major areas in life, they are career, relationships, health and fitness, spirituality, leisure and finances -the key to control and happiness is to devote time to creating balance among them all.

Coaching Challenge: Find one area in your life to which you are willing to apply these principals and go for it!

Share This

This is a must see… just saw it and had to share!

Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving talk, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

Watch it here:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=362421849901825950&pr=goog-sl

Share This

This topic has come up quite a bit in coaching sessions lately -and oddly enough, on several radio talk shows I listen to regularly. The question is: Are you happy? I mean, are you really happy? And, what does it take to be happy?

Here’s my happiness theory -and it’s really quite simple. You are happy when your life is aligned with your values. The problem is that most people have no idea what their values are and have never taken the time to find out. If they do know, they are so busy in the career they landed in or in the personal life that is controlling them, that they don’t have the time or ability to get into alignment.

Here are some easy steps to get you on your way:

1. Figure out what your values are: Try the Values Game (I have a link to it on the left side of this page) another way is to make a list of 3 people you really admire and write down the reasons you admire them -chances are they are living consistent with your values. The important thing to remember about values is that they are YOUR values -not values that your parents tried to instill in you or that your spouse has -they are yours and they are perfectly fine for you. I believe the reason for a lot of unhappiness is that we sometimes live according to someone else’s values not our own. A great example is that of a young woman I once knew who married an older man with 3 kids and a strict religious lifestyle -overnight she became immersed in being a mother and going to church services and other religious functions -in just a few short years she was suffering from major depression because she was living a life that was so far out of alignment with her true values which were career, independence and freedom of spiritual expression. Sometimes figuring out what your values really are takes some serious soul searching and the commitment to authenticity, but it is so worth it -the rewards are huge!

2. Life Assessment: Once you figure out what your values are -take a look at all of the areas of your life. Does your career reflect your values? Are your relationships consistent with your values? Is your environment a reflection of your values? Are your hobbies and leisure time activities consistent with your values. Often when I am coaching someone who says they are just not happy but they can’t figure out why, and we do this assessment, it doesn’t surprise me to find that there is not one area of life that is a reflection of the client’s true values. The key to change of any kind is to take an honest assessment of the situation -bring it out under the harsh light of day -it can be difficult to do, but it is the first step -and with many people, harsh assessment alone is the catalyst for unbelievable change.

3. One Step at a Time: Now that you know your values and have assessed where your life is out of alignment, just start making small changes to get into alignment. It might not be easy to change careers now, but you can start researching that career that would make you feel like you are making a difference, you can take a class in something that interests you, you can take up a new hobby, repair an old friendship, spend more time with your kids, de-clutter the house, paint a room your favorite uplifting color…. there are a number of “doable” things you can take on right now. Once you start adding these values driven things into your life, you will start to experience happiness and you will find all of your decisions start somehow bringing your life into alignment even more.

I said earlier in the post that these were easy steps -for some they are and for some they are not. If you are stuck, I highly recommend hiring a personal coach to help you through it. A coach will help you stay focused and will be a non-judgemental sounding board and above all will be on your side and want for you the same happiness you want for yourself.

I am pleased to say that I am happier now than I ever have been in my life and that is because I know my own values and I am making constant efforts to live consistent with those values, but it is an ongoing journey… and I look forward to it!

Share This

It’s September 7th already??? I intended to post to this blog at least once per week… every time I thought about it, I had other things to do and put it off until later -here I am a month later and am just now doing it.

The good news is I’m doing it now and I didn’t wait too long -but it makes me think about some of the things in my life that I really wanted to do, but just kept putting off until one day it was too late and the desire just kind of melted away. Like finishing my son’s scrapbook -somewhere along the way it came off the list and I never think about it (until just now, I just added it back to the list) -he just started 8th grade and I have done up until 5th grade, so I’m still good! And I guess that is the good news -you can always put something you really wanted to do back on the list.

What is really frightening, though, is the thought that there are many people out there who just never get around to doing the things that make them really happy -the things they are passionate about. All because the little day to day things get in the way and they just never find the time. My suggestion to them is JUST DO IT! The little things will still be there and half of them aren’t important anyway (I’m listening to my own advice!). We know that when you set a goal and follow your dreams, the laws of the Universe kick in and good things happen.

And then there are those who just follow their passions regardless of the consequences and somehow it all works out. One of my customers has a passion for film making -he’s young and basically self taught -he’s gotten the funding to make a film from friends and family and he’s just gone out and done it. He just submitted a short version of his scary film to a film festival and is waiting for some good news. Who knows what will happen, if anyone will like it (I do!), if he will be a famous director/producer some day (I think he will!), something great will happen -and who cares anyway… he’s doing what he wants to do and he’s doing it now. He’ll never wake up one day and say “I wish I had given it a try” -I hope I never do, either…

www.nystrangler.com

Share This

I’m a goal setter. I love taking my life, my business, whatever it might be -to the next level. From time to time, I’ve tried to take time off of goal setting and working towards accomplishing things only to find myself depressed and lethargic -I get truly energized by working towards a goal and even more energized by watching others do the same. Hence, my coaching career!

Sometimes, though, along the way to reaching the goal, I get derailed - usually it’s my schedule that derails me, or maybe the people around me aren’t supportive, or I just don’t have the necessary tools or info to follow through effectively. Typically, when this happens, the wind gets knocked out of my sails for awhile, until I am able to objectively think things through and figure out what the stumbling block is. I then try to put a plan in place to remove the stumbling block -get the schedule organized, ask the people around me for their support and encouragement (usually, I haven’t even told them what the goal is so they didn’t know how to support me!), get the tools or the education I need -and then I’m off again, back on track and usually the goal gets accomplished more quickly than I even thought.

I’m embarrassed to admit that there have been times when the derailment was just too big so I quit -the loss of energy was too great or the sense of being too overwhelmed was too much and I just gave up. I’m just telling the truth here and don’t really want to put any more energy into that, however, I may go back and revisit some of those goals.
Those plans that I put in place to remove the stumbling blocks are called “structures” -they are systems that I create to support the goal -oh and by the way, you can have negative structures, systems that are in place that virtually guarantee failure (like unaware family members or and out-of-control schedule) -So here’s the Aha! moment that I had this morning - You don’t have to wait to derail to put positive structures in place or remove the negative ones…. sounds obvious, but you can actually deal with it when you set the goal!!

What did I learn from this? This is the new process when working with a client or myself or anyone who decides to set a goal - At the time the goal is set, we will take a look at the structures that are in place in their lives that can derail the goal and look at ways to remove them and/or find ways to put structures in place that will actually support the goal. The idea is that the structures support the goal and almost make the accomplishment of it automatic. Example? If the goal is to lose weight, and one of the stumbling blocks is eating sweets at night -the positive supporting structure could be to not have sweets in the house, then it becomes automatic that you won’t eat sweets at night -simple example, but a powerful one.

Structures can be viewed as the foundation that the accomplishment of a goal rests on -if it’s solid and positive, the goal can be reached -if it’s crumbly and weak, the goal is much tougher to achieve.

Love those Aha! moments!

Share This

I wish I could say this was my idea, it wasn’t -I believe I got it from a real estate coaching program I was a part of a long time ago -but it has stuck with me and become an integral part of my coaching.

Your Ultimate Scenario (US) is your ultimate life, it is your best possible outcome, with no limitations imposed on it. It is a detailed, clear, mental image of what you want your life to look like. I truly believe that anything is possible, it’s the Law of Attraction in action, if you have a clear focused picture of what you want. I ask every client to write out their Ultimate Scenario in as much detail as possible -right down to where they will live, how is their environment will be decorated, how much money do they will make (no limitations!), how many hours they will work, what kind of time they will spend with family and friends and what activities they do with them. Once they write this out I suggest that they share with me and at least one other person. Powerful things happen when you share your written goals with another person.

Once that US is defined, the planning and goal setting just sort of falls into place. It is an amazing tool to use to keep ourselves on track -is this decision consistent with my US? If your Ultimate Scenario is working from home and spending more time with your family, earning $100,000 per year or more in only 30 hours of work time per week -does it make sense to take that job offer for $100,000 with great benefits that involves an hour and a half commute into the city every day and travel?

Ultimate Scenarios are most powerful when looking at your ideal life, but can be equally useful in the planning of the details. Recently a client was stressed out about having to hire an administrative assistant for herself -after writing out her Ultimate Scenario of the working relationship she wants to have, the ad basically wrote itself.

In writing your Ultimate Scenario, keep the following in mind:

1. This is where you design your perfect life, no limitations -no judgments.

2. Be as detailed as you can be -it’s almost as though you are describing a vivid daydream.

3. Share your US with someone you trust. You are not asking for feedback you are just sharing.

4. Watch your life start to take direction and watch the Universe jump into action!

I have attached my Ultimate Scenario form and my Time Capsule form for your use. These have been very helpful for me, my friends and clients alike.

Time Capsule

Ultimate Scenario

Share This