Lee’s Insights

I was in a class yesterday and the leader asked us to write a list of everything that is perfect in our lives. After a little thought, and because I knew what she was looking for, I wrote:

“Everything in my life is perfect.”

Yeah right! There are lots of things that aren’t perfect. I wish I had more free time to read, cook, spend time with my family. I wish my house was always clean and “zen-looking”. I wish I had a garage and a lot more storage space. I wish my 13 year-old son would just do it because “I said so!”, and there are probably a lot of other things about my life and myself that quite frankly are just about as far from perfect as they could be, but I get what she was getting at.

My life is perfect -it is just as it should be. That is not to say that all is “good” - perfect is not perfectly-good, it is just perfectly-as-it-is. Perfect-as-it-is means that it’s OK, everything that’s going on right now is OK and it’s not going to destroy me. It doesn’t mean anything about me or my family or my life - it just is - and if there is anything I want to change, then fine, I can go about figuring out how to do that - coming from a position of trust, trust that the Universe is good and in order, and not from a position of doubt and fear -or anger.

I choose to look at all of the things I decide to change or work on as the “antagonists” and they have value in my life -everything negative in my life adds value.  Who and what are the antagonists? My negative thoughts, my bad habits, that coworker who is just driving me crazy, the red light that just won’t change, the thousand things around my house that I am just tolerating (light bulbs in need of changing, disorganized pantry, etc.) -all are antagonists, and if everything really is perfect, and all really is as it should be, then they must be here to teach me something - and how I choose to handle them will either make me a better person and a better coach (or mom or wife…) or will sink me into frustration and fatigue. It’s literally my choice.

My coaching challenge: What is the thing or person in your life that is bothering you the most right now? Make the conscious choice to believe that that thing or person is in your life to teach you something and to make you a better person. What are the ways that this situation can help you grow, what are some ways you can handle this differently than you have been -how can your experience with this help others? If you feel inclined to share -please post a reply, we can all learn from your experience!

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Let me share something I’ve learned and it’s huge. This applies to everyone -yup, even me. If you are struggling with an addiction of any kind -where you are right now (the space you are in right this minute) is as good as it gets… UNTIL YOU TAKE CONTROL. And yes, you can take control!

What am I talking about and what is the definition of addiction? Definition first. An addiction for the sake of this post is anything at all that you do that you don’t want to do, but can’t stop doing. How often, or how much, or how much damage it does or doesn’t cause is irrelevant. Alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, eating, nagging, gossiping, biting your nails, worrying… whatever it is, if you keep telling yourself you will stop doing it, but you do it anyway, it’s an addiction and it’s a problem. Period.

So what did I mean when I said this is as good as it gets? I mean that when we are being controlled by an addiction of any kind, we cannot move forward until we regain control. We’re not in charge of our lives -”it” is. And even though we can accomplish a lot of things in spite of “it” -we always know in the back of our minds that there’s this one thing that has become unmanageable - it affects our self esteem, our confidence and that knowing that we really can have anything we want. I am a believer in the Law of Attraction -I KNOW it to be true, but when in the grip of an addiction, our thinking gets clouded and the belief that we can have it all starts to kind of fade away, gradually… until we’ve lost our true center and true belief… and true self.

The fact of the matter is we CAN have it all. The Universe will move mountains to get it for us - IF we believe, take control and take action against the addiction.

Lee’s revised Step 1: Take Control.

I know, it goes against the grain of many a 12-step support group, but not really. I believe that we can take control and we do it when we make the personal decision that enough is enough and by exposing the demon to the “harsh light of day”. We take control by admitting the problem to ourselves first and then to someone else we trust. We don’t sugar coat it, we tell the truth in all it’s ugliness. We aren’t bad, the addiction is, but we have handed power and dominion over our lives to the addiction. We will need help to triumph over it, but we are in control of whether or not we seek that help. We are in control when we drink, eat, spend too much, (your addiction here) and we have the control to make a decision to make it stop!

Once we make the decision to take control, admit the problem to ourselves and to one person we trust, the Universe will take action. Opportunities to help us overcome will present themselves -people that have been in the same boat suddenly appear and the true miracle happens and life suddenly gets better than we ever thought. That’s a promise!

My coaching challenge: Take 5 minutes today and just be honest with yourself -take a long look at that behavior that’s been nagging at you and ask yourself -is this an addiction? Am I out of control? If the answer is yes, know that you are a good person and take back the control… one step at a time.

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It seems like I hear more and more often from my coaching clients that they do not have enough hours in a day to accomplish what needs to done.

Here is what they say:

They are being pulled into meetings at the last minute and have to cancel agenda items to accommodate. They are stretched by the needs of family and friends. The wonderful new technologies make them so accessible to the needs of others they barely have time to breath. The phone rings during lunch, so they can’t remember with whom they had lunch, never mind what they ate. E-mail systems beep to tell them of a new message breaking their concentration required to complete that important report. Their open door policy allows free access to them by their colleagues and subordinates, but little space in which to accomplish the real work at hand. The result is a frazzled, short tempered, scattered, unhappy, minimally productive, minimally appreciated, person that works long hours and is rewarded with little sleep, no real nourishment of body and spirit and a “to do” list a mile long.

Does any of this sound like you? If it does, read on, because I have news for you. It doesn’t have to!

Too often we stay on the “gerbil wheel” of life feeling incapable of making the choice to take the first step off only to be eventually thrown off by an illness or major crisis.

Remember this? “If the oxygen masks should fall, indicating a change in cabin pressure, put on your own mask first, BEFORE helping your children or others in need.” Translate: If your life should get so full that you are losing control of even the most simple of tasks - take care of yourself first so that you will have the ability and energy required to support the ones you love and accomplish the tasks that are required of you.

So what can you do to soften that first step off the “gerbil wheel” of life?

First: Realize you are in control. Yes you are!! You can and do have control, but you have to choose to exercise it. Remember, not choosing is also a choice.

Second: Assess the situation. Begin to look at all the areas of your life that are out of control or on the verge of being out of control and make a list. Need help? Get a friend or coach to sit down and do it with you. Often I find that this is all that needs to be done to get a person back on track.

Third: Organize, eliminate or delegate. Look at each thing, can it be organized better so it won’t creep up on you at the last minute? Can you eliminate it altogether -how important is it? Can someone else do it or part of it?

Here are some suggestions:
1. Close your door for two hours each day and don’t answer the phone - give 100% to that important project.

2. Forward your calls or put a message on your voicemail that you will be unreachable for an hour and a half and have a relaxed lunch with a business associate or friend. Enjoy yourself, it’s OK, no one will die!

3. Disable e-mail alerts on your computer and schedule 2 to 3 periods of time per day to read and respond to your e-mail. Create an auto-response letting people know that you have received their e-mail and when they can expect a response.

4. Set a boundary at home with your family or at work with staff and colleagues that at certain times you are off limits. They are not to disturb you for any reason, unless it is an emergency. Clearly define what you consider an emergency! Kids (and some coworkers) love responsibility - recruit them to remind you that it is off-limits time and to run interference should anyone try to interrupt.

5. Double dip. Only say yes to volunteer opportunities that you can do with your spouse or children -this will accomplish both “doing your part” and spending good quality time with your family.

6. Another double dip - instead of having lunch with a friend, meet her for a walk or a work out at the gym. It will feel great to cross two things off your list!

7. Always plan your day ahead of time. Set the intention for what you plan to accomplish that day and write down your goals.

These are just a few of many ideas that will help you focus on what is real and necessary and will begin the process of taking back your time. Remember to tell people what you are doing, the changes you are implementing may ruffle some feathers at first, but if you explain why, you will most likely enlist the support of those around you.

As you begin to take the time for clarity and focus, you will notice your energy levels begin to rise and your productivity increase. You will notice that you make decisions to create even more time - be sure to allocate some of that time for your well being. Take time for fun and relaxation.

I say there are 6 major areas in life, they are career, relationships, health and fitness, spirituality, leisure and finances -the key to control and happiness is to devote time to creating balance among them all.

Coaching Challenge: Find one area in your life to which you are willing to apply these principals and go for it!

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